"Oh, she is not fair skinned, I was hoping that she would get the skin tone of her grandfather or grandmother" . This was one of the first comments that I got from a close kin as soon as my daughter was born. The lady who made the observation had the skin tone of the darkest shade of chocolate muffin, lets call her Mrs X for time being . Of course she had to pin her hopes on the genes of grandfather/grandmother since we, the parents were also "not-so-fair" . Writhing from the pain of a C-Section and fighting a barrage of post partum hormones, I burst into tears. Of course it was not because my daughter was not fair, it was because I was deeply hurt by the callousness of the comment made against my sweet angel who just came to earth few hours back. And already she is being discriminated!!
I could hear discussions in the background on how applying turmeric can help make her fair. How babies born with dark skinned gradually gain "color" over the years. The most ridiculous thing was that I was being quoted as an example. How I was very dark skinned during my childhood and how I gradually became "better" etc etc. I wanted to scream at them and ask them all to get lost. I just wanted some quiet time with my beautiful angel. She was the prettiest thing I have ever laid my eyes on. Can't they see how beautiful she is, how innocent she is and above all she is a part of me, my flesh and blood. I often wonder at the insensitivity of so called well wishers when they open their mouth to expel such pure garbage.
These discussions took me back in time to my childhood and my teenage days. I was having severe body image issues over my skinny frame and my skin tone. Having a fair skinned sister didn't help either since comparisons were invariably bound to happen when we go for family gatherings . The good old turmeric was stated as the ultimate savior, along with modern day remedies like fair and lovely. I remember being so obsessed with becoming fair, that I used to make plans like "get fair in 30 days". It involved applying all types of herbal remedies like turmeric, red sandal, sandal etc during the day and fairness creams during the night. I used to leave these creams overnight and had to stop it when I developed white patches and rashes on my skin. I remember being sad and angry over not having beautiful white skin like my sister, cousins and friends. I was the only "blacky" in the group.
Sadly, my mom being a working mother didn't have the time and patience to talk to me and make me understand the futility of my pursuits. Maybe she didn't realize how deeply affected I am. Thankfully, one thing she had her full focus on was to make us understand the importance of our studies. She used to tell us that it is the single most important thing in a girl's life. " You should get good education, get a good job and be financially independent" - This is the mantra that we heard at least once in a day while were growing up. Thankfully , I started focusing on my studies and gradually my obsession with fair skin kind of waned away. With age, the maturity settled in that being fair doesn't help you in interviews like they show in advertisements. Out there in the big bad world, your capabilities matter the most. I finally became comfortable in my own skin. I was happy the way I was.
But now life has come a full circle, where my daughter is being judged for her skin color by people like Mrs X. She often barged into ur life carrying bottles of the herbal remedies that I had thrown out of my life decades back. I cordially accepted the gifts and kept them safely in the farthest corner of my kitchen shelf . Many a times I had the mind to pop mean questions at her just like the way she does "Aunty, how about trying it on yourself, because I think you need it the most". Somehow our "Indian culture" of respecting your elders came in between and I swallowed my questions. But I applied pure turmeric on my daughter's body and used to do oil massage everyday till she was at least one year old. It was not for making her fair. It was for keeping her immune against skin infection. As ashe grew up Mrs X started making observations in front of her like " Hmm, she is not fair but she is beautiful" It sounded more of a self consolation. We ignored those comments initially but all hell broke loose when one day I caught my little one apply some cream o her face . She asked me very innocently "Amma, will this make me fair". I hugged her tightly and said " You don't have to be fair my dear. You are beautiful the way you are"
I realized that the insensitive comments made by people like Mrs X have started affecting my little one. I decided not to keep quiet anymore. Next time someone made such a comment in front of my kid, I retorted and gave them a dose of their own medicine. I ceased being the perfect mom in people’s eyes because I cannot understand the importance of making my daughter fair skinned. I don’t care anymore about the social norms and cultures to be followed when it comes at the cost of my lil one’s self esteem. I cannot let and will not let anyone play with it. As I always tell her “ She is beautiful the way she is”
No comments:
Post a Comment